My Top 10 Favorite Goosebumps Books

Piano Lessons Can Be Murder 

This is the first ever Goosebumps book that I read at my school library in sixth grade. The eerie story line was enough to get me hooked to R. L. Stine’s style of writing and his numerous novellas. It starts off with curious Jerry discovering a strange woman playing an old piano in the attic of his new house. She suddenly disintegrates into a skeleton. His parents mistake his fear of seeing the lady, for an interest in music and subsequently sign him up for piano lessons with a private tutor (only something Goosebumps parents would do). His piano teacher, Dr Shreek, seems to take an interest in him and his ‘hands’ and subsequently invites him to learn at his music school which consists of never ending corridors, where Jerry keeps losing his way and can never seem to spot any students.  

Welcome To Dead House

This is by far the scariest book in the Goosebumps series. A family moves to Dark Falls, which is so named since the whole town is strangely darkened with the shadows of overhanging trees and seems to have an ominous air about it, despite it being the middle of summer. Amanda and Josh, along with Petey, their dog, are instinctively hesitant about entering the house, which looks old and unwelcoming; much to the chagrin of their parents. Amanda begins spotting the figure of a boy inside the house and gets terrible nightmares, but keeps dismissing them as illusions resultant from the stress of shifting into the new neighborhood.  None of the children are particularly nice to the newcomers and everyone there seems to have a fear of light. 

The Headless Ghost

The Twin Terrors, Stephanie and her friend Duane are expert pranksters who derive a thrill from scaring the neighborhood children on Halloween night. They also enjoy touring Hill House which is rumored to be haunted by the 200-year old ghost of a sea captain who lost his life at sea and was devastated to find his wife gone when he returned to the house in spirit form. It is also said to be haunted by the headless ghost of Andrew Craw, a spiteful thirteen year old who loved to torture servants and animals. His entire family is said to have met a tragic end, each in gruesome ways at the hands of the sea captain who was angered when Andrew discovered his hiding place one night. Stephanie and Duane decide to take the last tour on Halloween night, and are approached by a mysterious blonde haired boy who offers to show them around the house outside of visiting hours. 

Vampire Breath

Freddy and his best friend Cara, return home after babysitting for the night. They decide to play a game of air hockey in his basement, and accidentally hit a china cabinet against the wall that opens up a secret passageway presumably leading into a tunnel.  Curious to see what lies beyond, they decide to investigate and stumble upon a coffin and a bottle of something containing ‘Vampire Breath’. Upon accidentally opening the flask (oopsie!), a gaseous cloud is released, waking the ancient vampire Count Nightwing. I’m not particularly obsessed with vampires, but this one doesn’t end like any other Goosebumps story. 

Say Cheese And Die!

This tale is a truly spine tingling one, especially for all you amateur photographers out there! Greg, accompanied by his three closest friends Shari, Michael and Doug  are bored and decide to snoop into the abandoned and creepy house of an eccentric man they call Spidey (take a wild guess). They find an old camera hidden away in a basement compartment and decide to snap photos of each other. There turns out to be something truly strange with the photos it snaps, which captures an accident befalling the photographed victim before it actually takes place. The cursed camera seems to actually cause the accidents and before long, his friends and family start to get badly hurt, with no way known of reversing the damage that follows. 

Ghost Beach

Siblings Jerry and Terri Saddler are sent to spend the summer with their distant and aging relatives, Agatha and Brad Sadler, who live by the beach. They encounter three children Sam, Nat and Louisa near a graveyard, who have the same family name as them and claim to be distantly related. The children tell them to watch out for the ghost that resides on the cave overlooking the beach, and that it comes out when the moon is full. The trio seem to get uneasy when a skeletal dog shows up and explain that ghosts hate dogs (ironic?). They also encourage Jerry and Terri to explore the cave and see for themselves. The story ends with an unexpected twist that you never see coming!

Let’s Get Invisible!

While twelve year old Max is busy getting ready for his birthday party, his younger left handed brother Noah keeps bullying him. At the end of the party, most of his guests leave with the exception of shy April and squeaky voiced Erin. The trio decide to investigate his musty attic, and his dog Whitey accidentally finds a secret dark room within the attic, containing a single antique mirror, with a light attached to it. When Max stands before the mirror and switches the light on, the others notice that he disappears. It is revealed that the mirror turns people invisible! The next day, Max and his brother decide to test the powers of the mirror again, but this time they get weak and it takes a longer time for them to reappear from the invisible state. Max dismisses the mirror as dangerous and is unwilling to use it again. However, Noah is a little too taken up with it and tries to set a record for who can stay invisible the longest. 

One Day at Horrorland

Siblings Luke and Lizzy are traveling through a desert and on the lookout for the Zoo Gardens theme park, accompanied with their parents and friend Clay. Presumable lost, they end up at HorrorLand which is located in the middle of a forest. Upon parking their car, it explodes and they all luckily survive. They are allowed to enter the theme park for free, and are surprised by the absence of telephones in the park (hardly surprising). They decide to try out a few rides which turn out to be dangerous, and barely make it out of the Deadly Doom slide and the hall of mirrors alive. Luke and Lizzy’s parents are nowhere to be found and it is up to the three of them to escape the theme park. 

Ghost Next Door

Hannah is spending a lonely and boring summer without her friends, who have all gone on vacation and never seem to reply to her letters. She meets her new next door neighbor, Danny the daredevil, who keeps getting into trouble with his mischievous friends. Hannah repeatedly tries to warn Danny against causing havoc, while she struggles with horrifying nightmares of waking up in her bed to find it on fire.  She senses that something about Danny isn’t quite right, since they don’t know any of the same people, despite being in the same grade. She cannot remember him moving in and finds it unsettling how he keeps disappearing in a mere flicker of a second. She begins to suspect that he might be a ghost. 

The Haunted School

Tommy wants to help out with decorations for the upcoming school dance. He decides to help out a beautiful blond girl named Thalia and in doing so, ends up getting lost. He stumbles upon a room with 25 statues of students marked as ‘The Class of 1947’. The principal appears and explains to him that the statues have been placed in memory of the students that went missing after a class picture was taken of them. Tom and his friend Ben, decide to fix a banner on the night of the dance, and are accidentally transported to GrayWorld via an odd elevator. They make an amazing discovery upon reaching the strange place, where everything is in black and white (grayscale).

A word of advice to parents

To all parents and guardians out there, I have something to say that could potentially revolutionize parenthood and help raise well behaved adults, as opposed to overgrown monsters. The psychopath co-worker, the playground bully, the self-obsessed lover, the deranged stranger on the train and the pampered sibling, many of whom I have had the misfortune of interacting with, are all end products of your nonchalant attitudes to parenting and upbringing. I blame your poor decisions, your annoying tendency to needlessly self-justify and a too-lenient approach. I do not however seek to place blame, I also wish to offer guidance and make observations that could aid you in your difficult journey as parents. Now, before you produce the whip, I will remark that you ought to be firm when needed but not strict to the point of abuse. When your little monster-in-the-making becomes difficult and begins squealing like a pig in labor, you need to learn to say NO. It’s that simple. 

‘No, you cannot have that. No chocolates before dinner. No TV before homework.’ 

In case of failure to do so during those critical years of development, your kid will gradually transform from a beguiling little infant into a Krampus that sucks the happiness out of everyone, preying on the weak and feeding off fear and insecurity.  I can tell you of one such vile being who thinks he knows everything there is to know; and refuses to put up with opposition to his ideas. He has not learn to master the art of patience; he wants it and he wants it NOW! God forbid anyone who keeps him waiting a few seconds, for he will wreak havoc on you and your loved ones. He is unwilling to endure tiny amounts of pain or sacrifice for the greater good and whines like a little bitch that’s lost its bone. He even resorts to manipulating his wimpy parents, if they happen to change his favorite TV channel or criticize him playfully. He goes through women like he does used tissues. He takes great delight in enticing women into falling for him and then mercilessly dumping them, taking his own sweet time to humiliate and rip their already broken hearts into a million shreds.

 His colleagues are bullied into doing things either his way or taking the highway to unemployment. He cannot wait long enough to be paid for his part-time services; and harasses his managers into showering him with the attention he thinks he deserves, threatening them with extremes such as legal action and consumer complaints. He lacks morals and shamelessly ogles women when already betrothed, while blackmailing his lover into being with him or being homeless. This monster is the result of parents who never wanted to lose their precious asthmatic son and hence, were prone to stroking his already inflated ego from time to time and agreeing with him even wrong. So parents, if you’d like to raise decent human beings and prevent your kids from turning into sinister turds, please learn to say no to them. Discipline them in the art of self control. When they do wrong, tell them so and teach them to empathize.

The Paradox

I know of a man
who deems it wise,
to lend a helping hand
accompanied with deceit and lies.

This same nutter
would rather give an aspirin,
to a bleeding lover
than allow his enemy a win.

He calls himself kind,
and threatens to leave those that dare oppose him,
in a bind,
while capturing his own cruelty on film.

He rejoices in the misery of creatures,
big and small,
taking delight in manipulating their fears
and witnessing their eventual fall.

He comes from a family of deviants,
who plan elaborate little traps,
to ruin the lives of unwilling servants
by inducing a series of mishaps.

Female Celebrities Born in the Year of the Rat (1996, 1972, 1984, 1960)

I haven't chosen to write about women born under the Rat sign, solely because I'm expected to be compatible with them, but because these women tend to exude an air of exuberance about them that forces the inner defeatist out of everyone they encounter. Women born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Rat are not only breathtakingly beautiful, but are tough as a bunch of nails and can emerge the winner no matter what life throws at them. They're resourceful and independent; these traits making them good role models for all career driven women out there. In relationships, they are extremely loyal and generous of their time. So this is dedicated to all my fellow gifted Ratties who think its a disgusting sign to be born under. You couldn't be more mistaken!

Bella Hadid

Katy Perry

Sophie Turner

Mili Avital

Sofia Vergara

Top 10 reasons I wouldn't recommend visiting Australia

1. Nasty racists

The existence of a racist population trumps all other reasons to prove why Australia isn’t a place worth traveling to. They’re present in abundance - right from the under qualified bimbo supervising the local Priceline store, and the denigrating cashier at Coles to the sickeningly polite HR person who showers you with unnecessary spite despite intending to turn you down regardless. The only pleasant company tends to consist of thieving scum, perverts or better yet, chatty sales personnel.  One would rather be well off studying in developing countries than having to put up with shit from a bunch of degenerates.

2. Weather

Don’t even get me started on the weather; it’s just as unpredictable and senseless as the inhabitants. I’d like for an enormous tsunami to swallow the place whole, along with its racist population. There’s little to no summer in certain parts of the country. The climate comprises a perennial winter, with intermittently depressing spells of rain and a weak sun; even in the cities. If you’re still convinced that Australia is worth a visit, be prepared to transform into a walking human weather vane for all to see. Better still, immerse yourself in your new role and carry with you a spike-tipped umbrella to club the racists with. 

3. Not safe

Life in Australia is far from ideal.  The standard of living there isn’t as high as a lot of other countries I’ve lived in. A vast majority of the population still chooses to commit horrendously unspeakable crimes in the face of unemployment (making their ancestors proud); citing job-stealing immigrants as a reason for their plight. The culprit is in fact their arrogance and indiscipline, coupled with a lack of drive/intellect and hence the inability to use the bountiful incentives and resources provided to them, sometimes free of charge. Those with criminal records are allowed to enroll in prepaid short-term courses, but prefer to succumb to the temptations of drugs, booze, sex and fast food. In addition, the strongest of individuals tend to succumb to life-threatening respiratory illnesses such as asthma and a range of allergies as a result of the weird pollen/dust flying around. So, not only are the surroundings and criminal population deadly, the fauna is out to get you too.

4. Few natives left

If you’re planning on traveling with the sole purpose of learning about Australia’s past and encountering  indigenous Australians, you’re hanging onto a sad illusion for the most part. The natives have long been marginalized and almost eliminated from modern Australian society. If that’s not disappointing enough, the remaining few live in despicable conditions and are viewed upon as outsiders, in what was originally their land by birthright. To this day, they complain of racial attacks on their dwindling numbers and resulting high suicide rates among them. 

5. Universities are not multicultural

Intelligence is taken for granted in Australia; with unhealthy addictions to reality TV shows and quick buck schemes taking the place of vital learning. Woe betide those who fall prey to the antics of Australian university reps abroad, for the cultivated experts are brilliant at painting alluring images of multicultural campuses with (seemingly) unlimited career opportunities dropping out of the sky. False advertising on websites is the most popular bait used to lure international students to overly priced courses that most Aussies themselves cannot afford.   All you’re left with in the end, are uninspiring lecturers who glare menacingly when asked for references, racist taunts from fellow nasties and an empty savings account. 

6. Poor healthcare

Contrary to what most Aussies think, their Medicare system isn't all that. Medical professionals in Australia are shitty at what they do, making you wonder how they were permitted to specialize in their profession in the first place. I’ve known of a GP who misdiagnosed a friend’s condition as a sinus problem.  It turns out he nearly died of stroke three days prior. No kidding. It really is that bad. Doctors in Australia try to swindle you of  atrocious amounts of cash on the pretext of conducting fancy tests, thereby succeeding in wasting your time with unnecessary appointments. If you do decide to attend, you are offered meaningless advice and prescription pills that fuck your body up, leaving you worse off than before. It doesn’t make a difference which insurance plan you choose, doctors there are criminally incompetent swindlers. Is it even surprising that they offer incentives for expensive treatment?

7. No jobs

Immigrants that travel to Australia for work are exploited, ridiculed and underpaid, while all the while being extracted of their savings. Whole cities in Australia are kept afloat as a result of revenue coming in from overseas, which the economically backward morons fail to understand. I’ve met a lot of them abroad, taking up jobs that are not theirs to rightfully take, while spewing hateful and ignorant remarks about races and cultures different to their own. Australians are rarely nice to anyone, unless they’re selling you something or paid to put on a pleasant facade. There, people of color are specifically chosen to take up door knocking sales or retail part-time jobs, and are paid very poorly if at all, based on certain shady criteria. This amount isn’t enough reimbursement for transport costs, let alone living expenses. I’ve been required to work for free and volunteer my time; while facing mistreatment on several occasions. Housing is equally horrendous and the most affordable suburbs tend to be rundown, cockroach-infested hellholes strewn with IV needles, used condoms, animal/human excreta and urine splattered objects. 

8. Everything is over priced

I’ve mentioned this a dozen times already. I would advise against buying clothes and souvenirs, because they’re most probably disposable made-in-China goods that are priced at triple the actual rate. Aussies love their little op-shops, which basically stock and sell second hand goods of low quality. These clothes just tend to dissipate into thin air after just a few months of wear and tear.  Similarly, beware of what you eat and where you buy it from. Salmonella poisoning is prevalent and lurking where you least expect it. 

9. History

What can you possibly expect from the notorious spawn of criminals that looted, raped, brutally tortured and alienated the original settlers into a secluded corner of the country, but no longer want to be held responsible for horrid repercussions from the past? Mind you, some of them work hard to keep this cruel legacy alive till this very day, and indulge in a lot of name calling and hate crimes against people from overseas with backgrounds even remotely different from their own. Australians are not a tolerant or friendly bunch of people, however much they might try to hide this vile secret from the rest of the world.

10. Tourist attractions

Think twice before you feel tempted to pay for visits to the zoos, museums and fairs. This is the sort of country that makes you pay to feed its native birds. Failure to do so can land you with a hefty fine. It’s not enough that you have to pay for transport and food to visit these pretentious sites. There’s Hosier Lane located in Melbourne CBD that’s known for its graffiti ‘masterpieces’. Upon getting there, you’re welcomed by a hoard of homeless druggies, condoms and urine splattered walls. A ride on the Melbourne Ferris wheel is $50 per person, with tickets for an Old Melbourne Jail tour charged at $25 for a single adult. Oh, the irony of it all - descendants of thieves and convicts, who’ve taken to charming gullible tourists with promises of ghost sightings, amidst the backdrop of prison cells. Tourist attractions all over the country have the same quality to them. They’re all over hyped and elaborate money-making scams, designed to trick clueless and jet lagged tourists, into paying for something that isn’t worth a dime. 

Game of Thrones: Season 6 Review (Spoilers)

As much as it pained me to see King's Landing burn to ashes, taking down some of my favourite characters with it, I also derived perverse satisfaction watching the Mountain do whatever he did to Septa Unella. For a show that prides itself in its gory and violent themes, Season six was taken to a whole new level with the inclusion of several crucial pieces that had been long missing from the puzzle. From this season, we were able to discern Jon Snow's ancestry, watch Arya's transition from a No one to one of the bloodthirstiest assassins in the Seven Kingdoms, Cersei's return to being the evil mastermind, a fierce battle that was almost lost if not for Sansa's last minute improvisation and Ramsay's gruesome end at the hand of his hounds (or more accurately, jaws). Walder Frey's death after nearly devouring his son's remains in Arya's special Frey pie was as revolting as it was satisfying. I've never been much of a Daenerys fan particularly because the continuous repetition of one's ranking and titles gets tiring after a while, and as most of her powers were entitled to her by birthright. However, the dragons were a treat to watch, in addition to Tyrion's never ending monologues about nothing in particular. Furthermore, a showdown between Daenerys, Jon Snow and Cersei in Westeros would certainly be an entertaining prospect for the next season, and could culminate in some nasty bloodshed typical of GoT.  Rickon's five minutes of fame couldn't have been more tragic, signifying the rarity of  Stark reunions. The storyline of Arya's return to her former self seemed a bit bungled, leaving most of us wondering why the House of Black and White apprenticeship and punishment was necessary at all. For those of you wondering how the show will eventually end; this is Game of Thrones we're talking about. Anything can and will happen. Some burning questions we all have in relation to the upcoming Season 7 are: 

What does Littlefinger have planned up his sleeve? What's with that sly look he aimed at Sansa when Jon Snow was proclaimed the King of the North? 

Who will Daenerys marry? What will Jorah's fate be? I have an inkling of a feeling that Jon Snow will be less than thrilled to be in Daenerys's company and they'll probably be at odds with each other. 

Will Bran reveal Snow's parentage? What will Bran's role be taking into account his new found ability to look into both future and past and change them. What does Targaryen blood spell for Jon Snow, besides surviving flames and having an affinity for dragons? 

The Dorne plot was disappointing this season. I never recovered from Oberyn's unforgettable skull crushing scene and Ellaria's horror. Can't wait to see what's in store for their enemies.  

What will Jaime's reaction to the death of Tommen, the destruction of his home and the coronation of Cersei be? We cannot help but ponder the final prediction of Cersei being killed off by a certain younger brother.  Will Tyrion do the honors?

Who's next on Arya's deadly little hit list? Blood pudding anyone?  

What havoc is Melisandre going to create on behalf of her elusive Lord of Light, after being exiled from the North? 

And last, but definitely not the least, how do the horrifying white walkers and their king plan to strike? 

I love George Raymond Richard Martin and his penchant for writing about bastards. I truly do. 

McCrackin

It was a typical day of confused Melburnian weather, marking the end of a long winter and severe vitamin D deficiency. I stepped through the threshold to stretch my legs and take in a breath full of clean air, only to spot a stunningly handsome man vaguely resembling a cute rodent; and yammering feverishly into his phone. Wanting to avoid a confrontation and the predictable exchange of greetings, I silently hopped back into the room, prompting a clumsy bang of the door screen behind me. As anticipated, this drew the rat's attention, forcing me to meet his rather startled gaze with one of conviction. Before I could continue on to the kitchen for a cup of mocha, I couldn't help but notice the hurt visibly plastered on his beautiful features, betraying an anxiety that stemmed from a not-too-distant troubled past. This cat and mouse game of me avoiding him each time a confrontation was inevitable, carried on tediously for months. He was undeterred by my lack of response and proceeded to wave at me with childish glee, accompanied by a loud 'hallo' that begun to thaw at my icy reserve. His surprise at being offered a neighborly treat on Christmas eve was charming in a self-effacing way. The torment within his soul was, however, evident from the soul wracking melodies he played on his guitar, that would stretch across the night to tickle the constellations that were much too bright and much too oblivious to his pain. By the time I was ready to open up to him and his persistent attempts at befriending me, he'd finally met his match in a woman physically akin to a walrus. Gone were the days when he'd try to sneak inquisitive peeks into my transient home through partially shut blinds and make discomfiting and lengthy eye contact with me.  I still wonder to this very moment how things might have played out had I just let go of my inhibitions and given him a chance. Was it never meant to work and leave me stranded with regrets? It is highly probable that years of rejection, deceit and humiliation from the opposite gender, have erected a metaphorical wall around me that even the formidable white walkers from Game of Thrones wouldn't be able or willing to scale.