To all parents
and guardians out there, I have something to say that could potentially
revolutionize parenthood and help raise well behaved adults, as opposed to overgrown
monsters. The psychopath co-worker, the playground bully, the self-obsessed lover,
the deranged stranger on the train and the pampered sibling, many of whom I
have had the misfortune of interacting with, are all end products of your
nonchalant attitudes to parenting and upbringing. I blame your poor decisions,
your annoying tendency to needlessly self-justify and a too-lenient approach. I
do not however seek to place blame, I also wish to offer
guidance and make observations that could aid you in your difficult journey as
parents. Now, before you produce the whip, I will remark that you ought to be
firm when needed but not strict to the point of abuse. When your little
monster-in-the-making becomes difficult and begins squealing like a pig in labor, you need to learn to say NO. It’s that simple.
‘No, you cannot have
that. No chocolates before dinner. No TV before homework.’
In case of
failure to do so during those critical years of development, your kid will
gradually transform from a beguiling little infant into a Krampus
that sucks the happiness out of everyone, preying on the weak and feeding off fear
and insecurity. I can tell you of one
such vile being who thinks he knows everything there is to know; and refuses to
put up with opposition to his ideas. He has not learn to master the art of patience;
he wants it and he wants it NOW! God forbid anyone who keeps him waiting a few
seconds, for he will wreak havoc on you and your loved ones. He is unwilling
to endure tiny amounts of pain or sacrifice for the greater good and whines
like a little bitch that’s lost its bone. He even resorts to manipulating his wimpy
parents, if they happen to change his favorite TV channel or criticize him playfully. He
goes through women like he does used tissues. He takes
great delight in enticing women into falling for him and then mercilessly
dumping them, taking his own sweet time to humiliate and rip their already
broken hearts into a million shreds.
His colleagues are bullied into doing things
either his way or taking the highway to unemployment. He cannot wait long
enough to be paid for his part-time services; and harasses his managers into
showering him with the attention he thinks he deserves, threatening them with extremes
such as legal action and consumer complaints. He lacks morals and shamelessly ogles
women when already betrothed, while blackmailing his lover into being with him
or being homeless. This monster is the result of parents who never wanted to
lose their precious asthmatic son and hence, were prone to stroking his already inflated
ego from time to time and agreeing with him even wrong. So parents,
if you’d like to raise decent human beings and prevent your kids from turning
into sinister turds, please learn to say no to them. Discipline them in the art
of self control. When they do wrong, tell them so and teach them to empathize.
