The Paradox

I know of a man
who deems it wise,
to lend a helping hand
accompanied with deceit and lies.

This same nutter
would rather give an aspirin,
to a bleeding lover
than allow his enemy a win.

He calls himself kind,
and threatens to leave those that dare oppose him,
in a bind,
while capturing his own cruelty on film.

He rejoices in the misery of creatures,
big and small,
taking delight in manipulating their fears
and witnessing their eventual fall.

He comes from a family of deviants,
who plan elaborate little traps,
to ruin the lives of unwilling servants
by inducing a series of mishaps.

Female Celebrities Born in the Year of the Rat (1996, 1972, 1984, 1960)

I haven't chosen to write about women born under the Rat sign, solely because I'm expected to be compatible with them, but because these women tend to exude an air of exuberance about them that forces the inner defeatist out of everyone they encounter. Women born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Rat are not only breathtakingly beautiful, but are tough as a bunch of nails and can emerge the winner no matter what life throws at them. They're resourceful and independent; these traits making them good role models for all career driven women out there. In relationships, they are extremely loyal and generous of their time. So this is dedicated to all my fellow gifted Ratties who think its a disgusting sign to be born under. You couldn't be more mistaken!

Bella Hadid

Katy Perry

Sophie Turner

Mili Avital

Sofia Vergara

Top 10 reasons I wouldn't recommend visiting Australia

1. Nasty racists

The existence of a racist population trumps all other reasons to prove why Australia isn’t a place worth traveling to. They’re present in abundance - right from the under qualified bimbo supervising the local Priceline store, and the denigrating cashier at Coles to the sickeningly polite HR person who showers you with unnecessary spite despite intending to turn you down regardless. The only pleasant company tends to consist of thieving scum, perverts or better yet, chatty sales personnel.  One would rather be well off studying in developing countries than having to put up with shit from a bunch of degenerates.

2. Weather

Don’t even get me started on the weather; it’s just as unpredictable and senseless as the inhabitants. I’d like for an enormous tsunami to swallow the place whole, along with its racist population. There’s little to no summer in certain parts of the country. The climate comprises a perennial winter, with intermittently depressing spells of rain and a weak sun; even in the cities. If you’re still convinced that Australia is worth a visit, be prepared to transform into a walking human weather vane for all to see. Better still, immerse yourself in your new role and carry with you a spike-tipped umbrella to club the racists with. 

3. Not safe

Life in Australia is far from ideal.  The standard of living there isn’t as high as a lot of other countries I’ve lived in. A vast majority of the population still chooses to commit horrendously unspeakable crimes in the face of unemployment (making their ancestors proud); citing job-stealing immigrants as a reason for their plight. The culprit is in fact their arrogance and indiscipline, coupled with a lack of drive/intellect and hence the inability to use the bountiful incentives and resources provided to them, sometimes free of charge. Those with criminal records are allowed to enroll in prepaid short-term courses, but prefer to succumb to the temptations of drugs, booze, sex and fast food. In addition, the strongest of individuals tend to succumb to life-threatening respiratory illnesses such as asthma and a range of allergies as a result of the weird pollen/dust flying around. So, not only are the surroundings and criminal population deadly, the fauna is out to get you too.

4. Few natives left

If you’re planning on traveling with the sole purpose of learning about Australia’s past and encountering  indigenous Australians, you’re hanging onto a sad illusion for the most part. The natives have long been marginalized and almost eliminated from modern Australian society. If that’s not disappointing enough, the remaining few live in despicable conditions and are viewed upon as outsiders, in what was originally their land by birthright. To this day, they complain of racial attacks on their dwindling numbers and resulting high suicide rates among them. 

5. Universities are not multicultural

Intelligence is taken for granted in Australia; with unhealthy addictions to reality TV shows and quick buck schemes taking the place of vital learning. Woe betide those who fall prey to the antics of Australian university reps abroad, for the cultivated experts are brilliant at painting alluring images of multicultural campuses with (seemingly) unlimited career opportunities dropping out of the sky. False advertising on websites is the most popular bait used to lure international students to overly priced courses that most Aussies themselves cannot afford.   All you’re left with in the end, are uninspiring lecturers who glare menacingly when asked for references, racist taunts from fellow nasties and an empty savings account. 

6. Poor healthcare

Contrary to what most Aussies think, their Medicare system isn't all that. Medical professionals in Australia are shitty at what they do, making you wonder how they were permitted to specialize in their profession in the first place. I’ve known of a GP who misdiagnosed a friend’s condition as a sinus problem.  It turns out he nearly died of stroke three days prior. No kidding. It really is that bad. Doctors in Australia try to swindle you of  atrocious amounts of cash on the pretext of conducting fancy tests, thereby succeeding in wasting your time with unnecessary appointments. If you do decide to attend, you are offered meaningless advice and prescription pills that fuck your body up, leaving you worse off than before. It doesn’t make a difference which insurance plan you choose, doctors there are criminally incompetent swindlers. Is it even surprising that they offer incentives for expensive treatment?

7. No jobs

Immigrants that travel to Australia for work are exploited, ridiculed and underpaid, while all the while being extracted of their savings. Whole cities in Australia are kept afloat as a result of revenue coming in from overseas, which the economically backward morons fail to understand. I’ve met a lot of them abroad, taking up jobs that are not theirs to rightfully take, while spewing hateful and ignorant remarks about races and cultures different to their own. Australians are rarely nice to anyone, unless they’re selling you something or paid to put on a pleasant facade. There, people of color are specifically chosen to take up door knocking sales or retail part-time jobs, and are paid very poorly if at all, based on certain shady criteria. This amount isn’t enough reimbursement for transport costs, let alone living expenses. I’ve been required to work for free and volunteer my time; while facing mistreatment on several occasions. Housing is equally horrendous and the most affordable suburbs tend to be rundown, cockroach-infested hellholes strewn with IV needles, used condoms, animal/human excreta and urine splattered objects. 

8. Everything is over priced

I’ve mentioned this a dozen times already. I would advise against buying clothes and souvenirs, because they’re most probably disposable made-in-China goods that are priced at triple the actual rate. Aussies love their little op-shops, which basically stock and sell second hand goods of low quality. These clothes just tend to dissipate into thin air after just a few months of wear and tear.  Similarly, beware of what you eat and where you buy it from. Salmonella poisoning is prevalent and lurking where you least expect it. 

9. History

What can you possibly expect from the notorious spawn of criminals that looted, raped, brutally tortured and alienated the original settlers into a secluded corner of the country, but no longer want to be held responsible for horrid repercussions from the past? Mind you, some of them work hard to keep this cruel legacy alive till this very day, and indulge in a lot of name calling and hate crimes against people from overseas with backgrounds even remotely different from their own. Australians are not a tolerant or friendly bunch of people, however much they might try to hide this vile secret from the rest of the world.

10. Tourist attractions

Think twice before you feel tempted to pay for visits to the zoos, museums and fairs. This is the sort of country that makes you pay to feed its native birds. Failure to do so can land you with a hefty fine. It’s not enough that you have to pay for transport and food to visit these pretentious sites. There’s Hosier Lane located in Melbourne CBD that’s known for its graffiti ‘masterpieces’. Upon getting there, you’re welcomed by a hoard of homeless druggies, condoms and urine splattered walls. A ride on the Melbourne Ferris wheel is $50 per person, with tickets for an Old Melbourne Jail tour charged at $25 for a single adult. Oh, the irony of it all - descendants of thieves and convicts, who’ve taken to charming gullible tourists with promises of ghost sightings, amidst the backdrop of prison cells. Tourist attractions all over the country have the same quality to them. They’re all over hyped and elaborate money-making scams, designed to trick clueless and jet lagged tourists, into paying for something that isn’t worth a dime.