The Paradox

I know of a man
who deems it wise,
to lend a helping hand
accompanied with deceit and lies.

This same nutter
would rather give an aspirin,
to a bleeding lover
than allow his enemy a win.

He calls himself kind,
and threatens to leave those that dare oppose him,
in a bind,
while capturing his own cruelty on film.

He rejoices in the misery of creatures,
big and small,
taking delight in manipulating their fears
and witnessing their eventual fall.

He comes from a family of deviants,
who plan elaborate little traps,
to ruin the lives of unwilling servants
by inducing a series of mishaps.

Female Celebrities Born in the Year of the Rat (1996, 1972, 1984, 1960)

I haven't chosen to write about women born under the Rat sign, solely because I'm expected to be compatible with them, but because these women tend to exude an air of exuberance about them that forces the inner defeatist out of everyone they encounter. Women born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Rat are not only breathtakingly beautiful, but are tough as a bunch of nails and can emerge the winner no matter what life throws at them. They're resourceful and independent; these traits making them good role models for all career driven women out there. In relationships, they are extremely loyal and generous of their time. So this is dedicated to all my fellow gifted Ratties who think its a disgusting sign to be born under. You couldn't be more mistaken!

Bella Hadid

Katy Perry

Sophie Turner

Mili Avital

Sofia Vergara

Top 10 reasons I wouldn't recommend visiting Australia

1. Nasty racists

The existence of a racist population trumps all other reasons to prove why Australia isn’t a place worth traveling to. They’re present in abundance - right from the under qualified bimbo supervising the local Priceline store, and the denigrating cashier at Coles to the sickeningly polite HR person who showers you with unnecessary spite despite intending to turn you down regardless. The only pleasant company tends to consist of thieving scum, perverts or better yet, chatty sales personnel.  One would rather be well off studying in developing countries than having to put up with shit from a bunch of degenerates.

2. Weather

Don’t even get me started on the weather; it’s just as unpredictable and senseless as the inhabitants. I’d like for an enormous tsunami to swallow the place whole, along with its racist population. There’s little to no summer in certain parts of the country. The climate comprises a perennial winter, with intermittently depressing spells of rain and a weak sun; even in the cities. If you’re still convinced that Australia is worth a visit, be prepared to transform into a walking human weather vane for all to see. Better still, immerse yourself in your new role and carry with you a spike-tipped umbrella to club the racists with. 

3. Not safe

Life in Australia is far from ideal.  The standard of living there isn’t as high as a lot of other countries I’ve lived in. A vast majority of the population still chooses to commit horrendously unspeakable crimes in the face of unemployment (making their ancestors proud); citing job-stealing immigrants as a reason for their plight. The culprit is in fact their arrogance and indiscipline, coupled with a lack of drive/intellect and hence the inability to use the bountiful incentives and resources provided to them, sometimes free of charge. Those with criminal records are allowed to enroll in prepaid short-term courses, but prefer to succumb to the temptations of drugs, booze, sex and fast food. In addition, the strongest of individuals tend to succumb to life-threatening respiratory illnesses such as asthma and a range of allergies as a result of the weird pollen/dust flying around. So, not only are the surroundings and criminal population deadly, the fauna is out to get you too.

4. Few natives left

If you’re planning on traveling with the sole purpose of learning about Australia’s past and encountering  indigenous Australians, you’re hanging onto a sad illusion for the most part. The natives have long been marginalized and almost eliminated from modern Australian society. If that’s not disappointing enough, the remaining few live in despicable conditions and are viewed upon as outsiders, in what was originally their land by birthright. To this day, they complain of racial attacks on their dwindling numbers and resulting high suicide rates among them. 

5. Universities are not multicultural

Intelligence is taken for granted in Australia; with unhealthy addictions to reality TV shows and quick buck schemes taking the place of vital learning. Woe betide those who fall prey to the antics of Australian university reps abroad, for the cultivated experts are brilliant at painting alluring images of multicultural campuses with (seemingly) unlimited career opportunities dropping out of the sky. False advertising on websites is the most popular bait used to lure international students to overly priced courses that most Aussies themselves cannot afford.   All you’re left with in the end, are uninspiring lecturers who glare menacingly when asked for references, racist taunts from fellow nasties and an empty savings account. 

6. Poor healthcare

Contrary to what most Aussies think, their Medicare system isn't all that. Medical professionals in Australia are shitty at what they do, making you wonder how they were permitted to specialize in their profession in the first place. I’ve known of a GP who misdiagnosed a friend’s condition as a sinus problem.  It turns out he nearly died of stroke three days prior. No kidding. It really is that bad. Doctors in Australia try to swindle you of  atrocious amounts of cash on the pretext of conducting fancy tests, thereby succeeding in wasting your time with unnecessary appointments. If you do decide to attend, you are offered meaningless advice and prescription pills that fuck your body up, leaving you worse off than before. It doesn’t make a difference which insurance plan you choose, doctors there are criminally incompetent swindlers. Is it even surprising that they offer incentives for expensive treatment?

7. No jobs

Immigrants that travel to Australia for work are exploited, ridiculed and underpaid, while all the while being extracted of their savings. Whole cities in Australia are kept afloat as a result of revenue coming in from overseas, which the economically backward morons fail to understand. I’ve met a lot of them abroad, taking up jobs that are not theirs to rightfully take, while spewing hateful and ignorant remarks about races and cultures different to their own. Australians are rarely nice to anyone, unless they’re selling you something or paid to put on a pleasant facade. There, people of color are specifically chosen to take up door knocking sales or retail part-time jobs, and are paid very poorly if at all, based on certain shady criteria. This amount isn’t enough reimbursement for transport costs, let alone living expenses. I’ve been required to work for free and volunteer my time; while facing mistreatment on several occasions. Housing is equally horrendous and the most affordable suburbs tend to be rundown, cockroach-infested hellholes strewn with IV needles, used condoms, animal/human excreta and urine splattered objects. 

8. Everything is over priced

I’ve mentioned this a dozen times already. I would advise against buying clothes and souvenirs, because they’re most probably disposable made-in-China goods that are priced at triple the actual rate. Aussies love their little op-shops, which basically stock and sell second hand goods of low quality. These clothes just tend to dissipate into thin air after just a few months of wear and tear.  Similarly, beware of what you eat and where you buy it from. Salmonella poisoning is prevalent and lurking where you least expect it. 

9. History

What can you possibly expect from the notorious spawn of criminals that looted, raped, brutally tortured and alienated the original settlers into a secluded corner of the country, but no longer want to be held responsible for horrid repercussions from the past? Mind you, some of them work hard to keep this cruel legacy alive till this very day, and indulge in a lot of name calling and hate crimes against people from overseas with backgrounds even remotely different from their own. Australians are not a tolerant or friendly bunch of people, however much they might try to hide this vile secret from the rest of the world.

10. Tourist attractions

Think twice before you feel tempted to pay for visits to the zoos, museums and fairs. This is the sort of country that makes you pay to feed its native birds. Failure to do so can land you with a hefty fine. It’s not enough that you have to pay for transport and food to visit these pretentious sites. There’s Hosier Lane located in Melbourne CBD that’s known for its graffiti ‘masterpieces’. Upon getting there, you’re welcomed by a hoard of homeless druggies, condoms and urine splattered walls. A ride on the Melbourne Ferris wheel is $50 per person, with tickets for an Old Melbourne Jail tour charged at $25 for a single adult. Oh, the irony of it all - descendants of thieves and convicts, who’ve taken to charming gullible tourists with promises of ghost sightings, amidst the backdrop of prison cells. Tourist attractions all over the country have the same quality to them. They’re all over hyped and elaborate money-making scams, designed to trick clueless and jet lagged tourists, into paying for something that isn’t worth a dime. 

Game of Thrones: Season 6 Review (Spoilers)

As much as it pained me to see King's Landing burn to ashes, taking down some of my favourite characters with it, I also derived perverse satisfaction watching the Mountain do whatever he did to Septa Unella. For a show that prides itself in its gory and violent themes, Season six was taken to a whole new level with the inclusion of several crucial pieces that had been long missing from the puzzle. From this season, we were able to discern Jon Snow's ancestry, watch Arya's transition from a No one to one of the bloodthirstiest assassins in the Seven Kingdoms, Cersei's return to being the evil mastermind, a fierce battle that was almost lost if not for Sansa's last minute improvisation and Ramsay's gruesome end at the hand of his hounds (or more accurately, jaws). Walder Frey's death after nearly devouring his son's remains in Arya's special Frey pie was as revolting as it was satisfying. I've never been much of a Daenerys fan particularly because the continuous repetition of one's ranking and titles gets tiring after a while, and as most of her powers were entitled to her by birthright. However, the dragons were a treat to watch, in addition to Tyrion's never ending monologues about nothing in particular. Furthermore, a showdown between Daenerys, Jon Snow and Cersei in Westeros would certainly be an entertaining prospect for the next season, and could culminate in some nasty bloodshed typical of GoT.  Rickon's five minutes of fame couldn't have been more tragic, signifying the rarity of  Stark reunions. The storyline of Arya's return to her former self seemed a bit bungled, leaving most of us wondering why the House of Black and White apprenticeship and punishment was necessary at all. For those of you wondering how the show will eventually end; this is Game of Thrones we're talking about. Anything can and will happen. Some burning questions we all have in relation to the upcoming Season 7 are: 

What does Littlefinger have planned up his sleeve? What's with that sly look he aimed at Sansa when Jon Snow was proclaimed the King of the North? 

Who will Daenerys marry? What will Jorah's fate be? I have an inkling of a feeling that Jon Snow will be less than thrilled to be in Daenerys's company and they'll probably be at odds with each other. 

Will Bran reveal Snow's parentage? What will Bran's role be taking into account his new found ability to look into both future and past and change them. What does Targaryen blood spell for Jon Snow, besides surviving flames and having an affinity for dragons? 

The Dorne plot was disappointing this season. I never recovered from Oberyn's unforgettable skull crushing scene and Ellaria's horror. Can't wait to see what's in store for their enemies.  

What will Jaime's reaction to the death of Tommen, the destruction of his home and the coronation of Cersei be? We cannot help but ponder the final prediction of Cersei being killed off by a certain younger brother.  Will Tyrion do the honors?

Who's next on Arya's deadly little hit list? Blood pudding anyone?  

What havoc is Melisandre going to create on behalf of her elusive Lord of Light, after being exiled from the North? 

And last, but definitely not the least, how do the horrifying white walkers and their king plan to strike? 

I love George Raymond Richard Martin and his penchant for writing about bastards. I truly do. 

McCrackin

It was a typical day of confused Melburnian weather, marking the end of a long winter and severe vitamin D deficiency. I stepped through the threshold to stretch my legs and take in a breath full of clean air, only to spot a stunningly handsome man vaguely resembling a cute rodent; and yammering feverishly into his phone. Wanting to avoid a confrontation and the predictable exchange of greetings, I silently hopped back into the room, prompting a clumsy bang of the door screen behind me. As anticipated, this drew the rat's attention, forcing me to meet his rather startled gaze with one of conviction. Before I could continue on to the kitchen for a cup of mocha, I couldn't help but notice the hurt visibly plastered on his beautiful features, betraying an anxiety that stemmed from a not-too-distant troubled past. This cat and mouse game of me avoiding him each time a confrontation was inevitable, carried on tediously for months. He was undeterred by my lack of response and proceeded to wave at me with childish glee, accompanied by a loud 'hallo' that begun to thaw at my icy reserve. His surprise at being offered a neighborly treat on Christmas eve was charming in a self-effacing way. The torment within his soul was, however, evident from the soul wracking melodies he played on his guitar, that would stretch across the night to tickle the constellations that were much too bright and much too oblivious to his pain. By the time I was ready to open up to him and his persistent attempts at befriending me, he'd finally met his match in a woman physically akin to a walrus. Gone were the days when he'd try to sneak inquisitive peeks into my transient home through partially shut blinds and make discomfiting and lengthy eye contact with me.  I still wonder to this very moment how things might have played out had I just let go of my inhibitions and given him a chance. Was it never meant to work and leave me stranded with regrets? It is highly probable that years of rejection, deceit and humiliation from the opposite gender, have erected a metaphorical wall around me that even the formidable white walkers from Game of Thrones wouldn't be able or willing to scale. 

My Saturday meal: Malaysian Assam Pedas Lobster Dish

Recipe:
I carrot (diced)
A bunch of spring onions (chopped)
Egg noodles (boiled separately and seasoned with salt)
Chopped Lobster balls (available at any Chinese/Malaysian store)
A dollop of Assam Pedas Paste (For fish recipes)

Mix the above ingredients in a Wok with pre-heated oil. Allow to cook for 15 minutes and Voila! Ready to be served.

THE DUNG BEETLE

When I'm mad at someone I usually just count to ten and get it over with, but it's proving impossible to do, when the loser shares a class with me. I can sense his desperation and loneliness a mile away, when his loser video-gaming buddies come over. It's like as though he's never had friends his entire life and feels compelled to shove that fact down the throats of his insignificant apartment-mates. The way he laps up all the attention and disgusting pet-name calling is so repulsive; it makes me feel like throwing up over and over again, straight into his sickeningly dull face. His protruding bulgy eyes, annoyingly hoarse voice, sparse crown of hair, shapeless face, and creepy/stalkerish aura drive me up the wall with the force of my gag reflex that acts up whenever he gets too close. He talks over the phone during day, trying to make himself seem more in-demand than he really is and spends the night serenading and making pathetic love to his laptop, since obviously no girl on this entire planet, would tolerate physical contact with him without wanting to puke out her dinner. His taste in clothes is shameful , making him look much like an overgrown 9-year old with a reversed aging disorder. He indulges in pretty much every self-destructive habit ever known to exist; dope, booze, chain-smoking, you name it.

I need to forget about him and erase all memories I've ever had with the douchebag, since nothing good can possible come out of knowing him. Furthermore, it kills me to know I made an effort to befriend him and be nice to him, despite all the cutting remarks and periods of silent punishment I had to suffer. I refuse to take any more crap from this latest crap-wallowing bug; and hopefully, if I succeed in ignoring the nasty creature it'll probably wallow in it's own poop elsewhere.

Change is in the air

I'm still putting up with the bitchy Bombaiite, the whistling Bill Gates wannabe, a moody Mexican and the freaked out Melbourne weather. It's only a matter of time before I lose my cool and blow up in the bitch's face, play a dangerous prank on the whistler and ask the latino out on a date. As for the weather, there's nothing much I can do except snuggle in blankets. According to numerology, 2014 is my number 9 year and the last year of a ten-year cycle which basically means this is the year to get rid of all that's dragging me down into the stagnant pool of the past. This would explain why I've been unable to tolerate most people and the bullshit they have to offer, lately. The whistling buffoon still hasn't come to terms with being in a beautiful country and just keeps shagging his Mac instead of leaving his geeky dungeon. The Bombay bitch thinks she's on top of the world and proceeds to dominate every situation she finds herself in. The cute Mexican is manipulative and unfocused, swinging from one extreme to another, while the rest of us struggle to maintain a balance between assignments and sleep. Strange to say, I've begun feeling strongly for him and this deep spiritual but platonic connection we share just pulls us closer to one another. I didn't want to think about it all this time fearing disappointment, but I can't keep my feelings for him at bay any longer. Waiting eagerly for next week when I purposely forget to wish birthday boy and have no classes to attend. Yippee. Did I mention my latest lesbian crush on Tina Arena?

On An Intense Winter Night

So, I'm bored and slightly angsty watching Vampire Diaries in my room and decide to stir things up a bit. I climb three flights of stairs till I reach the terrace and the beauty of the night just overwhelms me. And I realize what I'd been missing. I was hiding all along, from a part of myself that embraces the empty darkness, the chill and the danger of unfamiliarity. Playing 'Take my Breath Away' and 'I don't love you' on full volume on my iPOD, I begin snapping away with my cell cam. Here's what I captured in four shots. There's no way I'm putting them on Facebook; dumbasses there won't understand or even try to comprehend what I felt for those amazing ten minutes on the terrace, just me and the starlit heavens above.

Tragic Endings for Assholes

Cycledude:
Why?
Because all the emotional drama in my life began with him. Before him there was peace all round.

How does it have to end?
He goes cycling late at night, encounters the creepy smiling man on the way (See here) and gets chased right into a deep pit full of piranhas.

Preacherdude:
Why?
Suffered years of heartache thanks to him. Hate him.

How does it have to end?
He gets tricked into thinking he's on a pilgrimage, but accidentally stumbles upon a top-secret meeting of Yakuzas. His little finger is instantly chopped off as per Yakuza tradition, and slashety slash....that's the end of the rest of him.

Preacher dude's brother:
Why?
Because he's a little pansy who whines and thinks he's royalty from the medieval ages or Marie Antoinette or something.

How does it have to end?
He's deceived into thinking he owns a kingdom. While he carries on with his debauched ways, sleeping around with several maidens and a courtesan, one of them sets an asp free into his pants. He faints in a girly fashion and then passes away from the bites.

Knight of Wands
Why?
For making me wait 3 years and doing nothing at the end of it.

How does it have to end?
He's listening to his headphones as usual, when he suddenly gets a high voltage shock due to static electricity buildup and malfunctioning of his iPOD. He goes deaf and dies at the same time.

Gorilla-Pervert
Why?
For initially flirting with me, forcing me to tolerate his stench and later bitching about me while making life hell for my project group in third year.

How does it have to end?
A couple of gorillas seduce him into their cages and ass-rape him to death for the entire zoo to see.

DistilleryDude
Why?
For making my first kiss the worst and least memorable as well as for drilling the significance of his caste, religion and job into my brain repeatedly.

How does it have to end?
With a passionate kiss from a Sumo wrestler, a long steamy shower and intimacy soon after. You can imagine how that would end.

Lying Dickhead
Why?
For lying to me about him still seeing his ex and expecting me to anticipate dates for which he'd never turn up.

How does it have to end?
He takes his cheap girlfriend to a seedy bar cum restaurant, where he orders for a plate of burgers. The catch? The burgers are filled with ground-up glass resulting in a slow and painful death for the two of them.

Whistler
Why?
For acting like a psychotic prick; talking to me one minute and ignoring me the next. And also for whistling, slamming doors, jumping on his bed and making beeping sounds when I'm exhausted and eager for some shut-eye.

How does it have to end?
He plays video games on his laptop, when his operating system is all of a sudden infected with a deadly virus. His laptop shuts down, triggering an emotional tantrum from its owner who is sucked up by the frustrated virus and pixelated to fit into the system. He is stuck there for an eternity, with no way out and as good as dead.